My Knee Hurts and I Want a Drink

Pintless and one pint less, dizzy stream of thought and footfall and I desperately, internally construct, deconstruct, reconstruct responses to the latest episode of the sporadic and weighty drama of friendship.

Being told I can’t drink for 24 hours makes me want to drink for 24 hours.

I snuck some fino in the pasta sauce but made sure I cooked it down. Laughable, castrated rebellion.

The unrelenting, unfettered and uncaring industrialisation of state and free-market capitalism extends beyond the world and into the body of the individual. Eminently adaptable, we are biomechanical automatons, set to work until we fail. Our bodies hunched, our hearts destroyed by stress and cheap time-saving food and the expectation of something better.

Giving blood allows me some autonomy over my body as a machine. For 7-8 minutes, I am a factory. I own the product, the means of production. Like a full-body version of ‘The Numbskulls’ post-October, 1917. This is only my second time, and I’m only really posting about it to make sure I keep doing it.

I didn’t take a painkiller last night and today my knee hurts.

In summary:

  • Give blood
  • Join a union
  • Be good to your friends


Lemon courgettes

This is my default thing to cook when I can’t think, like just after giving blood. It’s endlessly adaptable, and you can always mess around with whatever you have lying about. You want it meaty? Throw in some ‘nduja. Creamy? Use creme fraiche and less lemon juice. Olivey? Put some fucking olives in it, you big dummy.

You Will Need:
Courgettes (chopped)
A lemon

Olive oil (as you’ll actually taste it)
Pine nuts if you’re fancy, sunflower seeds if it is brexit

And If You So Like:
Mushrooms or Quorn Chicken Bitz
Fino or white wine

I don’t bother with exact amounts as it’s not baking. Just go by eye and do as much as you like.


Oil to pan. Zest the lemon and cook on low heat with nuts/ seeds and chopped/crushed garlic until they start to brown. Add quorn or mushrooms here as they’ll need longer to cook than courgettes. Put the heat up to medium, don’t let anything stick.

When the quorn or mushrooms are cooked a bit, starting to brown a little, then stick in your courgettes. Chop ’em like you like. Slices or small chunks usually works best. Not too big but you can be rustic.

When the courgettes start to brown a little, add the juice of that lemon in the pan and turn down after a sec. Don’t drop the seeds in, as they can get mixed in with the pine nice/ sunflower seeds and can add an unwanted sharp, woody surprise to a meal.

Stick on your pasta about now. You can always turn the courgettes off and heat them up if your timing is off.

Now stick in your fino or white wine (just a big old glug) and whack the heat up a bit to cook it off a little. If you want a really cheap, dirty high, you can stick your head over the pan and inhale the alcohol vapours. But don’t do this, it’s a terrible idea.

When the pasta is cooked, drain it and mix together straight away.

Then eat already.

Sorry, I didn’t take a picture, will do when I cook it next.